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Epic ebay ad

wierdo124
(@wierdo124)
Jedi

that is pretty funny

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Topic starter Posted : 20/11/2009 9:53 pm
wierdo124
(@wierdo124)
Jedi

He made another ad for another motorized object 😀
The Chinese can make some really tricky things, like hard drives - and soft shelled crab in ginger and garlic sauce. Why they chose to make quad bikes is beyond me though.

I have once owned a Chinese pocket bike, which is still here at my mountain hideaway awaiting destruction at the request of the Ebay buyer. As yet, I haven’t found anything as worthless to risk in the destruction of it. Even my old mattock with the broken handle and missing head is too good to wreck.

So how the hell did I end up with another Chinese made motorised machine? Well, it was about 15 long weekends ago when I realised that the tribe making their way to my mountain hideaway for some holiday fun would not have enough vehicles to get around on. It was either let the kids ride my industrial fan around or buy something else with wheels and an engine. I didn’t want anything too safe, otherwise I ran the risk of having someone go home without an injury.

So in one Trading Post induced buying spree, I went out and bought this satanic piece of plastic and cheap recycled metal. I even paid good money for it too.

Let me just say that I’ve seen my fair share of Yum Cha, and don’t even knock back the chicken’s feet (provided they wore shoes), but if my BBQ pork buns came around on one of these quad bikes I’d turn my nose up at it. The stainless steel trolleys are far more sophisticated. This quad bike is an example of the punishment that we Australians deserve for insisting that every Chinese meal is served with prawn chips.

There are some good points to these quad bikes, but I can’t really think of them at the moment. What I can recall though is how sheet it really was right from the start. It was as if someone had decided that they needed to cram $600 worth of technology into a quad bike but with a budget of $6.59 plus GST. This thing even had a remote control to start and stop the bike, the starting button was a placebo though. It also has lights, which only worked because light bulbs don’t rely on the correct polarity to work. I’m not sure what the other thirty odd wires actually connected to, but whatever it was the bracket supporting it didn’t even make it into the crate it was packed into.

You may notice that it has a sort of camouflage style bodywork. Handy if you ever wanted to hide out in a pool of diarrhea. The only place where this quad bike would be able to make use of the camo is when you take it to the sand dunes and thankfully lose it before someone gets to ride it.

The mechanicals are a piece of work too. Believe it or not, it has hydraulic brakes. Hydraulic brakes are good, far better than a cable made from Singapore noodles. However when the brake fluid is soy sauce, stopping on anything other than a sushi train becomes a problem. The engine looks mysteriously similar to a Honda motor, although without the luxury of any brand names cast into the side covers. It is also made from ducks tongues, which although a delicacy in China are not much good as conrods. The clutch plates, like many other plates are made in China, but unfortunately these ones contain more as best as (after two days of wondering why this listing didn't appear, I learnt that the real word for that old fashioned fibro was prohibited "eBay Note: This listing has been cancelled due to listing violation. See "My Messages" for more details.") than a ‘50s dunny. Fair dinkum, obviously their scanners don't see the humour.

I shouldn’t be harsh, but I can’t help it. I should take the view that you get what you pay for, but that too is wrong. Really, how can a Suzuki minibike cost as much to buy as a second hand Pulsar with less than 200,000 ks? They aren’t worth that much. 70cc bikes should cost $700, 1300cc bikes should cost $1,300 – but then everyone would buy a Hayabusa and ride at the speed of sunset, almost light. What the Chinese should have done is met the market half-way and decided to sell things that look like the real thing at half the price, not a tenth of the price. That way they could have actually filled the wiring with copper instead of bamboo shoots.

You might wonder why the starting price is a little low considering the masterpiece that it is. Stop wondering because I’m about to tell you:

It was a hot sunny day here at the mountain hideaway. Some snotty kids from up the road decided to come over for some motorised adventures, so I handed out a few quad bikes and an old soap on a rope and let them go. Despite the full tank of fuel, I knew it wouldn’t be long before someone walked back to me with one of those stupid faces on because their Chinese quad bike had packed it in after only 10 minutes. Luck is what I thought. Normally the plastic fuel tanks melt after putting anything other than hoisin sauce in them. So it was as I expected and five minutes into the adventure one of the kids came back and asked for a rope. “Rope?” I asked. Sure enough he had taken a wrong turn and rode his diarrhea camo quad bike into the dam. It wasn’t under water, but it did get the plug lead wet and it took a whole pair of gumboots to get it out.

After pushing it all the way back to the workshop I decided to have a crack at getting it going again. Considering its value, and the fact that my time is worth at least $3.20 an hour on a Saturday, I spent just over six minutes trying to get it started. I got as far as removing the air cleaner and cranking it over, but that was it. The kid was left to sulk about the fact that all the other kids had at least gotten to blow their quad bikes up after 12 minutes.

Now it has become a trip hazard and I’m really keen to see it go to a good home. It could be useful as a project for someone who likes turning water into wine, or perhaps just getting this thing going. I think it probably only ever ran for a few hours in its whole life, which is enough to explain why all the bodywork is as cracked as a Chinese take-away container after two trips through the dishwasher.

Don’t start thinking that you’ll just snap this thing up at a bargain price and jump on the internet and download workshop manuals. These things don’t even have a brand name. In fact, they change their names quicker than the email address of the Nigerian guy that still owes me $120,000,000 for helping him out with my bank details.

Don’t think you’ll be able to buy another one for spares either. The factory that made these things was built on such shonky foundations that every hole drilled in the frame is in a different location for the sixty seven million they made that afternoon shift. Your best bet would be to stuff around with this one for a while and learn a valuable lesson: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is a Chinese quad bike. Without venturing to the local landfill, I think this quad is one of a kind, a bit like a taxi with headlights which are actually aligned correctly.

By the way, it doesn’t have any gears. It was designed to be simple to ride, not simple to keep running. And yes, that is a wasp which has filled the exhaust with mud.

Pickup is from my mountain hideaway, between Newcastle and Taree, somewhere.

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Topic starter Posted : 06/03/2011 11:41 am
iiNNeX
(@iiNNeX)
GODLIKE

Hahaha wtf ? 😀

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Posted : 06/03/2011 12:35 pm
strudinox
(@strudinox)
BOT Admin

LOL awesome! Do you have a source link?

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Posted : 06/03/2011 5:32 pm
wierdo124
(@wierdo124)
Jedi

Yeah i closed the tab tho. I'll dig it back up later.

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Topic starter Posted : 06/03/2011 6:39 pm
clamatowas
(@clamatowas)
Jedi

ITs gone now, next time take a screen shot and post that.

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Posted : 06/03/2011 8:47 pm
lefty
(@lefty)
Leveling Up

LOL Both of those are hilarious!! Nice find!

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Posted : 07/03/2011 10:09 am
Yornike
(@yornike)
Padawan

hahaha funny yeah how do u even land on these

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Posted : 10/03/2011 7:28 pm
ultrapwnd
(@ultrapwnd)
New to GND-Tech

heh pretty funny

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Posted : 11/04/2011 6:16 am
Enad
 Enad
(@enad)
Member Moderator

@ultrapwnd 65575 wrote:

heh pretty funny

If you're gonna dig up an old thread, might as well make a useless post okay? :eyeroll:

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Posted : 11/04/2011 6:31 am
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