Epic ebay ad
Nothing to freak out about, but today I was getting the trike ready just in case someone actually bid on it, and I noticed that there was a couple of drops of oil under it. The minor leak is coming from the selector shaft, no big deal, just a new seal. It obviously has developed the leak from spending most of its time in neutral. Anyway, if nobody buys it I'll put a new seal in it and re-list it again, only next time I'll write a funny ad.
So I would suggest that if you at all intend bidding, be aware that there is a minor leak. I will fix it for free, but you may have to wait a couple of weeks for me to get around to doing it. I think it might even be the Trike of Death shedding a few tears.
Yes, it's back. Did you really think that The Trike of Death would go away?
If you read to the end of this ad, you will receive automatic acceptance to the Facebook Yamaha Trike of Death E-shrine, where some of the best comments, pictures and stories will be posted. It will also be a place to visit for free abuse and to add to the 'what pissed me off today was...' discussion board. Don't forget to check out my scooter and the fashionable T shirt range in my other auctions, because even if you miss out on the Trike of Death, you can still be part of the action.
After the listing ended the last time, I received an email from a very lucky man from Nigeria who wanted me to help him secure his wealth, and in return I would receive 482 tribilliongazillion dollars.
Not being greedy, I declined his offer and have since been wondering what I should do with the trike.
I have fallen over it twice while it has been sitting there on its three big wheels in my workshop. The first time I fell I was lucky to escape injury, but the second time I wasn't so lucky; I landed on a dried out leaf from the surrounding turpentine trees, receiving a 2.5 mm scratch on my hand. After that ordeal I decided that either the leaf or the trike had to go. So to save me cleaning my workshop, I'm selling the trike.
Last time I listed it I copped some savage abuse from die hard trike fans, with some claiming that I had made fools of their interest. I apologise to all those who I offended by pointing out the trike's unusual features, but I was trying to be brutally honest. I actually think it is good that you have clubs where people can go and enjoy riding these things together. It reminds me of how the prisoners on death row have fun waiting for their turn on the electric chair. Fair enough, the trike isn't an electric chair, but it is about as safe and comfortable as one.
I was also reminded of the fact that it's not the machine, but the fool at the controls. So true! The bloke at the Yamaha factory who had the button in front of him saying 'ADD WHEELS' obviously wasn't like all his workmates who knew to only push the button twice or four times, never once or thrice. But good on him I say. He created something that people can form clubs over, nobody else in history has managed the same.
In reality, my trike is an amazing machine. It has survived over 20 years without being damaged. The original owner really looked after it by not riding it. That's right, this thing has hardly been ridden. In fact it still has the original tyres and probably some of the first tank of fuel still left in it. No, I lied about the fuel because last time I rode it I ran out of fuel and had to push it about 100 m to the shed. 100 m isn't far, but try pushing something yellow with three wheels, weighing in at 480 kg up a gravel road into a 45 knot head wind. You will go backwards, underneath the trike and get found five days later by Stuart Diver.
You may notice that I have added some new photographs, there is an explanation for that: A young lady that looked like a cross between Paris Hilton and André the Giant told me that the trike is in such good condition that it would sell itself. I took her word for it and left the garage door open one night. The trike was gone for a week and the photos show that it didn't sell itself, instead just galavanting around on its three big wheels, living it up at my expense.
Since the trike has been back, we have been getting on well together but it really needs a new home. If you want to come and take a look at it, I will probably be able to arrange something. I only have a short driveway and live in a suburban area, so taking it for a proper ride really isn't possible. Due to its turning circle, I would have to have a five acre block for you to turn it around on, and the lack of a driveway long enough to launch a B52 means that you will only be able to accelerate to about 50 km/h before crashing through the front door of the house across the road. After crashing through the door you would probably make it down their hallway and out the back door, through the clothes line, over the compost heap gaining enough air to clear the colorbond fence out the back, bounce of the carport of the house behind them and continue on into the valley of the shadow of death and, if you don't run out of fuel, around the block and back into my driveway.
The trike is safe around children, because there are few moving parts and if your child can choke on one of those big tyres then you have a big kid and you should get out of the house, now. The trike is too large and too heavy for most children to be able to put it in their hair while the wheels are turning, so you don't need to worry about that either.
I can't think of much else to add here, but I'm sure there will be others asking important questions. I have added my last listing description below in blue just in case you need more details from there.
Perhaps I was a bit negative when I described this lovely item last time around, so this time I'll just be positively honest.
This is a trike, meaning it has only three wheels. The only thing that makes it any more controllable than a shopping trolley is that it has brakes. Okay, so the brakes don't work that well when you are either airborne or in the middle of an horrific roll-over, but they are there nevertheless. Rather than brakes, I would call them 'inevitable delay systems'. You will crash, that is inevitable, but by using the brakes the crash will happen a little later.
The trike is also yellow, the same colour as canaries – a bird used as a sacrifice in early mining operations. The canary died when overcome by low levels of toxic gases, warning the miners that either someone had farted or perhaps worse. Fortunately mines didn't use trikes like this because Todd and Brandt would never have surfaced.
It is retro, true '80s madness. If you really want something retro that will see you living to retirement, buy an old caravan. This trike is as safe as an ejector seat in a helicopter. I say that purely because I have lived to tell the story. So many have been maimed or killed on these things and been unable to warn prospective buyers, but I for some reason have been spared huge losses of bark, broken limbs or brain damaged behind the controls of this three wheeled shredder.
Right now you might be thinking to yourself that you really need something like this to bring the spark back into your life. I honestly think you would be better off with a melanoma. You either have to be insane or have balls as big as the extra large fitness balls available from Rebel Sports, in red of course. I'm not joking about this. The measly 175cc air cooled motor may sound tame, but it is about as harmless as using a whipper snipper around the wrong way. For some reason, 175cc of oil burning two stroke is far more dangerous on three wheels than it is on two. Yes, I've ridden everything from 80cc motocross bikes to my beloved RSV1000, and although you would expect three wheels to be 50% safer than two, they aren't.
Most of you 943 people that visited my earlier ads would remember what I said about the trike last time and now wonder why the hell I'd be bagging something that I actually want to sell. Good question and I'll get to that later.
I bought this trike because it is a living example of something nasty. If you hang on to this thing for millions of years, letting it get buried under thousands of layers of sediment, then one day in the distant future (if we still have one after earth is invaded by aliens giving these things out as gifts) an archaeologist will dig this up and go, “Wow, a YTM175, these things became extinct in the 20th century, and look Nathan, it still has a skid mark on the seat from the last person who rode it.”.
If only these trikes came with optional extras like; electric start, suspension, disc brakes, reverse, horn, roll cage, air bags, ABS, traction control, garlic naans... What a great thing they would be.
Please, buy this thing and show the world that you care. You may just be saving my life because if I don't sell it, I'll take it back to the farm and no doubt injure myself while shooting the video for the up and coming website 'www.yamahatrikeofdeath.com.au' You can register that domain if you like.
On the positive side, if you buy this trike you will be a living legend (until you ride it). So many people know about this thing that I'm even thinking about having it cast in bronze and set up as a monument to human ingenuity.
I will endeavour to make myself and the trike available for viewing. I only have a short driveway to ride it in, but I can guarantee that no matter how much space, you won't be able to turn it around so just the one run will be enough to convince or kill you.
I am willing to swap it for fifteen hundred US dollars or anything else of interest, but I can't sell it for less because I think I've fallen in love with it. We all know what it's like; when you're in love you don't care about anything else until something better looking comes along. To date, I haven't seen anything better looking than this trike.
And to wrap up, the specs:
Australia - 1 adult
India - 43 adults, 75 children, 2 sitars, a cow and an Optus call centre
Fuel: Cord blood
Wheels: Just three, big fat ones
Frame: Unfortunately not coffin shaped
Top Speed: One of the 11 wonders of the world
Weight: Five slabs
Transmission: Five speed semi automatic (like an Uzi)
Country of Origin: Hell
Colour: Diarrhoea yellow